Thelma Learns a Lesson

Email to Lo from T, sent at 7:00 this morning:

"Did YOU know you’re no supposed to consume alcohol while on cold medicine? I didn’t know that. No one told me. Apparently it’s in very small print on the label. Who reads labels anyway?? Perhaps, if in big, bold, flashing neon print the label read 'cold medicine + alcohol = complete mind-eraser = cheapest date ever = Danger! Danger! = DO NOT try this at home = I’M AN IDIOT!!!' I might have read the warning. But, no. I’m irate. I feel like suing. Although I totes deserved it :/

Anyway, I have absolutely no idea how I got home last night from Joe’s. Or it could have been the 7. Who knows? Did Manny drive my car home? Please, please, PLEASE tell me Manny drove my car home!! All I know is when I got in my car this morning to go to work the seat was pushed way back. So definitely a dude drove it. Or a very large Amazon woman. But I don’t think we know any of those. Oh, and my car radio sounds freakishly weird this morning too. I guess I thought it needed an adjustment last night? Interesting. But strangely I’ve defied the laws of physics and feel totally fine this morning. Except I’m a little tired bc I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 2:30AM. I guess that’s what happens when you pass out at, what was it, 8…9 o’clock??

That being said, I really REALLY need you to email me as SOON as you get this please. I need deets!! There are so many questions running through my head right now! Like…how embarrassing was I last night? How many witnesses? Did I take off any clothes? Did I try to dance on the bar? Did I (gasp!) play shuffle board?? And if so, was I cheering obnoxiously??? But more importantly, how did I manage to not break any furniture when I got home??? Wait, is the shower curtain in tact? I didn’t even think to check this morning. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion I ran my mouth in a HUGE way. But I honestly don’t know! I need answers!! WHERE ARE THE DETECTIVES OF CSI: HANGOVER WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!?!?! Don’t worry – I’ve already checked my phone to make sure there’s nothing “texts from last night” worthy. Phewf! But Lo, it is so bad I had to change my fbook status to “DAMAGE CONTROL!!!” All caps…"