Brillz!!

Email from Thelma to Louise, 8:59AM:

"I am such a r'tard. My car was finally fixed yesterday afternoon but it was after I went to work HH so dad had to drive it to the 7 where we then exchanged vehicles. Anyway, so after my shift when it was time for me to go home, I got in my car and tried to start it. It wouldn't start. I tried starting that stupid car for nearly 10 minutes and NOTHING! It wasn't making any kind of sound either so I had no clue WTF was wrong. I tried calling my dad a bajillion times and left him about 8 messages (he was on the road to Houston so I knew he was still awake). I even called my sister and woke her up and she tried calling dad and couldn't get in touch with him either. Anyway, I'd already had kind of a shitty night so I was flustered to the max and started crying. Then the sweet but slightly obnoxious because I feel like he's constantly harassing me man who sells flowers at the 7 walked by while I was sitting in my car crying and he said "Young lady, I have some BEAUtiful.." and before he could finish I snapped at him, "NO I'm FINE, thank you!" Then he walked off and I felt terrible and started crying even harder. Then I'd had enough crying, so I got out of my car, left it at the 7, and stormed down to Joe's with my vodka/soda. On the way to Joe's I threw my half empty (yes, at this point it's half empty - not half full) styro of vodka/soda against the brick wall of Joe's bc I knew it would make me feel better. Then I walked into Joe's and saw Lawless and The Menace sitting at the bar so I joined them. Apparently I was visibly upset bc The Menace immediately bought me a red headed slut and Lawless asked, "Are you okay, Mucher?" Anyway, my dad FINALLY calls back and I explain to him that may car isn't starting blah, blah, blah, etc., etc. and he says, "Did you hold the clutch in while you tried to start it??" Oops. Evidently I forgot how to drive a stick while my car was in the shop :/"

T-Lo's Bows

Tired of red, green, gold or white gift bows? Any of your favorite magazines, newspapers, maps, wallpapers, menus, posters, lyrics, etc. can be made into uber-chic gift bows. Bring us your material of choice and we'll make them for you. 2 bows for just $1 or 12 bows for $5!

Hope you have a happy holiday season!
T-Lo


AND don't forget that Lo's b'day is right around the corner!! ; )

Thelma Learns a Lesson

Email to Lo from T, sent at 7:00 this morning:

"Did YOU know you’re no supposed to consume alcohol while on cold medicine? I didn’t know that. No one told me. Apparently it’s in very small print on the label. Who reads labels anyway?? Perhaps, if in big, bold, flashing neon print the label read 'cold medicine + alcohol = complete mind-eraser = cheapest date ever = Danger! Danger! = DO NOT try this at home = I’M AN IDIOT!!!' I might have read the warning. But, no. I’m irate. I feel like suing. Although I totes deserved it :/

Anyway, I have absolutely no idea how I got home last night from Joe’s. Or it could have been the 7. Who knows? Did Manny drive my car home? Please, please, PLEASE tell me Manny drove my car home!! All I know is when I got in my car this morning to go to work the seat was pushed way back. So definitely a dude drove it. Or a very large Amazon woman. But I don’t think we know any of those. Oh, and my car radio sounds freakishly weird this morning too. I guess I thought it needed an adjustment last night? Interesting. But strangely I’ve defied the laws of physics and feel totally fine this morning. Except I’m a little tired bc I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 2:30AM. I guess that’s what happens when you pass out at, what was it, 8…9 o’clock??

That being said, I really REALLY need you to email me as SOON as you get this please. I need deets!! There are so many questions running through my head right now! Like…how embarrassing was I last night? How many witnesses? Did I take off any clothes? Did I try to dance on the bar? Did I (gasp!) play shuffle board?? And if so, was I cheering obnoxiously??? But more importantly, how did I manage to not break any furniture when I got home??? Wait, is the shower curtain in tact? I didn’t even think to check this morning. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion I ran my mouth in a HUGE way. But I honestly don’t know! I need answers!! WHERE ARE THE DETECTIVES OF CSI: HANGOVER WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!?!?! Don’t worry – I’ve already checked my phone to make sure there’s nothing “texts from last night” worthy. Phewf! But Lo, it is so bad I had to change my fbook status to “DAMAGE CONTROL!!!” All caps…"

Overheard at the 7: TMI!!

T: 1047, this is…Thelma :)
Lady on the phone: Hi…um, I have a question and…you’re probably going to think I’m crazy, but…well, my boyfriend lives in Northwest Alabama and he wants to have a threesome and he asked me to find another girl but I’m not from here and I don’t know where to find one.
T: ...Ummm...
Lady: Please don’t laugh. I’m sorry, I know this sounds crazy but I’m being serious.
T: ...Uhhhhhh... (gesturing to Lo for some help) ...I know exactly who you need to talk to. Hang on a sec... (hands phone to Lo)

Cut to 15 minutes later

Lady on the phone: So...that's not a normal threesome?
Lo: Uh....no. Wait, how serious is this relationship?
Lady: Well, we've been together off and on for 35 years
Lo: Ok...
Lady: I should just block his number, huh?
Lo: Yes.

Obviously, Lo got all the deets on exactly what was to happen during this threesome. Nasty. We couldn’t post any of it. Try to imagine the dirtiest porn flick you can think of and then multiply it by 10 and it’s probably not as X-Rated as this scenario.

Welcome Back (Hot &) Hotter

Welcome back guys! We're here to introduce a new little addition to our blog: a weekly-ish featurette entitled "Overheard at the Bar"...names will be changed to protect the "innocent." (If you feel your code name is too obvious, alert us immediately and changes will be made ASAP).

So...off we go!

Overheard at "the 7":
So this girl came in to happy hour last night, and I've never seen her before. But after my shift, I sat and had a couple drinks with MGD, and she was begging us to take her to 322. Of course we both said no. Then she started writing notes to MGD asking if he and I would go home with her. It was....strange.......


Wow. Quite the weirdo, no?

Please share any stories you may have overheard this past weekend...lord knows they're out there!

Oh and, stay tuned for the possibilities of many parties in the upcoming Talk Like a Pirate Day/Football Game Days/Halloween/Turkey Day/Lo's B'day/Christmas season of getting crunk!!